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13 Days Old

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Never have I had a good relationship with my body. Always wishing something was different than what it was. The size, the texture, and appearance (eczema).

So as one can imagine pregnancy was hard for me. Being the awkward size where I don’t think I looked pregnant, I just looked ‘large’. Then being so big nothing fit, but i didn’t want to buy new clothes because i was only going to be this pregnant for a couple more weeks.

Then I was the lucky type of pregnant woman where my eczema got worse. At the end of my pregnancy it was so bad and I didn’t want to use any steroid cream so it just kept getting worse and worse.

OH and don’t get me started on the little black hairs on my chin.

But now, that I’m not pregnant anymore there has become a new obsession with my body. when will I return to ‘normal’, ‘what will my new normal look like’ ‘ will my stretch marks go away’ ‘will my eczema get better’ ‘ oh im looking good today let me try on my old pair of jean/‘ – get upset when they don’t fit not even 2 weeks postpartum.

It’s been a lot. A lot mentally and a lot of looking in the mirror naked sizing myself up. I haven’t weighed myself since birth and tbh I don’t think I’m going to be able to anytime soon. And that’s okay.

I have to let my body do its thing, give myself space, and remind myself how awesome my body is to create a baby and an organ and recover

-Jess

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